Who Is Driving the Bus?
Shadow Work, Christ Consciousness, and the Gift of Being Held
If you are sincere in your spiritual path, there will come a time when self-navigation is no longer enough. Not because you are incapable, but because the ego is remarkably skilled at navigating in ways that preserve itself.
There comes a point in shadow work when stimulation is mistaken for transformation. When it feels as though the shadow is dissolving, while in truth it is being entertained, admired, or subtly fed. The ego can generate movement, emotion, even expansion while remaining firmly at the wheel.
As a shadow worker, one of the most consistent patterns I observe is how convincingly the ego can declare, “I’m doing my work,” while remaining firmly in control.
A common tell is the phrase: “That feels right to me.” In ordinary life, listening to that inner signal can be wise. But in deep shadow work, there are moments when it does not feel right. When there is discomfort, disorientation, even a loss of internal footing.
There are moments in shadow work that can feel like dismantling. Like being pulled apart. Like not knowing where to rest inside oneself. Familiar identities loosen. Emotional suppression rises to the surface. Tears come without narrative. There may be nowhere to stand.
This is not collapse. It is peeling.
When Magnificence Lands
At times, something magnificent lands in the field. It can feel magical. Expansive. Holy.
This does not mean the work is complete. It is a moment to receive and integrate. Often, when something of this magnitude opens, the system is being strengthened. Not to conclude, but to go deeper.
If the experience is immediately interpreted, analyzed, or neatly understood, the ego may have quietly returned to the wheel. It loves frameworks. It loves meaning-making. It prefers understanding the process to surrendering to it.
Shadow work is not about insight alone. It is about relinquishing control.
Being Held Introduces Friction
This is why I lean into a healer who holds my process in the light of Christ Consciousness (the living field of divine intelligence and presence) In that space, Christ Consciousness drives the bus. Not the healer and not the one unraveling. The Healer listens and sees from a compassionate and knowing space with no agenda. There is no certainty about where the work will lead. There is free will. There are timelines. There is mystery. But there is containment. And containment makes bypass more difficult.
When someone is holding the field, it becomes harder to stop at the beautiful layer. Harder to walk away when discomfort arises. Harder to switch healers the moment resistance appears.
Stopping when it feels good, or leaving when it feels uncomfortable, creates a horizontal timeline. Movement without depth.
If a client already knows where they are going, if they have a goal in mind for who they will become, the ego is still driving the bus.
The Reckoning
At some point, there must be a reckoning.
There comes a time when one goes so deeply inward that what is found is not flattering. Beneath the inner critic and inherited voices, there are deeper layers: resentment, aversion, even a fundamental distaste for parts of oneself.
Unless one is truly enlightened, if such a thing exists, this layer is there. And meeting it is not a one-time event. There are layers upon layers. One may believe the work has been done, only to encounter another stratum years later.
The process is cyclical. Each layer peeled strengthens the capacity to meet the next.
Meditation and the Cooking of the Astral Body
Meditation in pure stillness is a profound ally in this work. Sitting in the light of Christ begins to “cook” the astral body (the emotional body intertwined with the pranic field.) This cooking is uncomfortable. It is often when meditation stops feeling pleasant that it becomes potent.
The body resists and can start to fidget or parts become painful. The mind grows louder. What was once peaceful becomes agitating. This is not failure. This is contact.
The system is being purified. This unfolding can take years. That is why practicing within a consecrated space, such as a Temple/Ashram or working with a steady healer or teacher devoted to Christ consciousness can deepen and accelerate the process.
Spirit-Guidance Alone Has Blind Spots.
There is another subtle bypass that arises in spiritual work. Many believe they do not need human reflection because they are guided directly by Spirit. And genuine guidance exists.
But without discernment, it is difficult to distinguish between revelation and reinforcement. The ego is capable of mimicking clarity. It can produce answers that feel aligned while quietly protecting the very structures that need to be examined.
One of the challenges of self-guided work is not a lack of sincerity. It is a lack of friction. We rarely know the questions we are not asking. Without reflection, blind spots remain remarkably intact.
The Gift of Being Held
This is the gift of working with a healer devoted to Christ consciousness, one who holds your process without controlling it.
The healer works co-creatively, listening for the soul’s cry, laughter, and longing: the deeper current beneath personality strategy. In that shared field, the process continues beyond comfort and beyond resistance.
As layers are peeled in the light of Christ, one steps more fully into the light body. And when certainty settles in, when you feel you have arrived, it may be worth pausing.
Notice what in you feels finished. Notice what in you feels sure. Is it surrender? Or is control returning quietly to the wheel?
Shadow work is not meant to be navigated alone. There is grace in being witnessed. There is depth in being held.
And sometimes the most courageous step is not going deeper by yourself but allowing someone steady and devoted to Christ consciousness, to sit beside you while you release the wheel.
Many experience the third eye as vision alone, yet vision stabilizes only after inner structure is established. If you haven’t read this yet, begin here… Why We Sit Upright
Written by Elle Kerr-Wilson, founder of Amplify Your Light in Edmonds, Washington. Guiding seekers remotely on-line, in Seattle, Lynnwood, and Everett through meditation and Sacred Vision Healing.
This work is for those who are willing to stay when discomfort rises, who are devotionally serious about their path, and who are ready to be held and challenged beyond self-navigation. If that speaks to you, you can explore Sacred Vision Healing
